Do you want to change? Just change yourself when you want to change!
Actual self is your representation of the attributes that you believe you actually possess, or that you believe others believe you possess. The “actual self” is a person’s basic self-concept. It is one’s perception of their own attributes (intelligence, athleticism, attractiveness, etc.).
We can ignore the actual self at first if we want to change who we are, the actual self will follow the ideal and ought self.
Ideal self is your representation of the attributes that someone (yourself or another) would like you, ideally, to possess (i.e., a representation of someone’s hopes, aspirations, or wishes for you). The “ideal-self” is what usually motivates individuals to change, improve and achieve.
The ideal self-regulatory system focuses on the presence or absence of positive outcomes (e.g., love provided or withdrawn).
The best way to achieve that is to make a list of skills/attributes/characteristics you want to have. You must picture your ideal self every day.
Ought is your representation of the attributes that someone (yourself or another) believes you should or ought to possess (i.e., a representation of someone’s sense of your duty, obligations, or responsibilities).
The Pygmalion effect is the phenomenon whereby the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. Expect much from yourself, perform better!
Back to discrepancies.
The theory states that people are motivated to reduce the gap in order to remove disparity in self-guides.
Instead of lowering the bar and coming to terms with the actual self that you don’t even like. You must close this gap by becoming your ideal self.
Role-models inspired people for many years to become better. They were the real life representation of the ideal self. Becoming your ideal-self should be your goal.
How to achieve goals:
- First choose between all the potential goals you could reach.
- Make priorities and then choose the best one.
- Write down and visualize your goal(When you see your ideal self you should say:”Ecco Hominis!”).
- Make plans and strategies about how you will reach your goal.
- Achieve your goals.
- Assess what has been achieved, what still needs to be achieved by further acting on the goal.Revising objectives is no bad thing.
Goals must be SMART , dreams should be unobtainable.
Easy to say, hard to do.
Inspired by this post on TRP
I preach about this a lot but there is an important aspect that gets lost in translation. You must be able to place yourself in the position where you can fail. Be the tree, not the ivy. Be the leading role of your life, not a supporting role. You must still be someone after a fail. Never make your life dependent on a single decision. And have a back up plan for every decision. Actually always have a back up plan and another back up plan for that. And failing is not a bad thing, the crippling fear of failing is a bad thing. It even has a name: Atychiphobia
All our emotions stem from our focus (what we think) and our physiology (posture, breathing). Lets say your normal state is head up, shoulders forward, deep breathing. When you are depressed or phobic your head sinks down, you let your shoulders hang and start breathing shallow. So the quickest way is to shake it off and change what you are doing. But that doesn’t change your focus. So you have to clear your mind. Stop asking yourself loaded questions. Stop looking into the abyss (everything that can go wrong), focus on the positive things that can happen, look at the horizon. Ask yourself positive questions. And remember a time where you felt powerful and strong. Then jump up and start moving or running. This is the fastest way to change. Sometimes looking at the worst case scenario helps. Because if you think rationally you will come to the conclusion that the worst case scenario itself isn’t even that bad.
The post above basically tells you to embrace mistakes. They are an important and even crucial part of learning and growing. So stop beating yourself up with what could go wrong and use your experience for the future. You avoid mistakes through experience. You get experience through mistakes.
Now when you changed your mind you are ready tackle your problem. You can stop trying so hard, the easiest solution probably is the right one and will work. You can stop focusing on the outcome. What you can do is focus on the process. So don’t be afraid to fail. Be ready to fail. The most important thing you can take away from this is understanding that being afraid of failure is just limiting yourself. The only real way to fail is not trying.
If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going, You’ll Probably End Up Somewhere Else
Define your goals (long term goals)
Write them down
Adjust them when needed
Reach them and set new goals.
Goals should be SMART, Dreams should be unobtainable. Fly where eagles dare!
Anyone who stops improving has stopped being good.
You don’t have to be better than others, being better than your past self is one of the most noble, if not the most noble goal of them all.
Strategic planning is like inner game. And outer game is like operational management. It is the practical application of inner game. For me outer game is showing other people your inner game. In my case it is obnoxious love for my self and too much confidence.
How did I create this confidence and self love? I admire myself, my body, my decisions. Just like anorexic girls stand in front of a mirror and think about suicide every day, I stand in front of a mirror and admire my body and my face. “Go tiger, the world is yours” is like a mantra for me. This is where the halo effect comes into play. Other people see that I value my self and value me more.
Value yourself before you value others!
If I am unhappy with any part of my body I train more. Realizing my boundaries is a great feeling. I even love the pain while training. After 50 push ups, when I can’t do another one I push my self and actually manage to do another one. When I think about giving up I say to my self “No pain no gain!” and do another one. Now my muscles tremble and shake but I keep on going till no grunting and making grimaces helps anymore.
How can you not love yourself when you are the motherfucker that pushes himself so far? When you shower in ice cold water everyday. Looking back at what you have accomplished in the past can also give you a confidence boost.
Higher confidence grants you the ability to hold eye contact much longer, increases your posture and mood. Which all add cumulative to the halo effect. Ironically and thanks to the halo effect you will accomplish more, and you will get even more confident.
Another important thing about game is to reflect about what went wrong. Learn from your mistakes!
When everything works out people will see you as a high quality man. Now you can let your targets do the chasing. Let everyone know you are there. Let certain girls know that they look good, then go aloof. Let her go crazy and pick her up after she went through all possibilities where she could have fucked up after you told her what you think about her. This is the most subtle neg there is. If she thinks she has higher value than you neg her less subtle or insult her (If you feel like it). Get her to show you how much value she has.
Actually skip the let her doing the chasing trick. That shit doesn’t work, even when she gets an orgasm when she sees you she won’t do the first step 90% of the time. Let her get crazy and then pick up the fruits. You always have to stop being aloof at one point.
- “What do we do?” – Being awesome.
- “For whom do we do it?” – For us.
- “How do we excel? – Never giving up, always working on ourselves.
Mission – Why do we exist: Maximizing happiness
Vision – What we want to be: A superhuman.
Operational planning: How do we reach the goals of our strategic planning.
Over the next 6 weeks I will complete several challenges.
http://www.twentyfivepullups.com/ – Not online yet, I just invent some numbers.
- 100 Push ups
- 200 Sit ups
- 200 squads
- 150 dip ups
- 25 pull ups
- 30 Minutes of running
I can start at week 3 at all challenges, but since I combine them I will start it simple. The pull-ups will probably be the hardest one. Since tall people are 30% heavier but only 20% stronger than small people. Nevertheless I will manage it.
Finally I will push myself to learn this.
+ I will write with my not dominate hand more.
Goals should be SMART so.
- Specific – Physical and mental improvement
- Measurable – Did I complete the challenges, can I speed read?
- Assignable – Who will do it? …
- Realistic – Sure.
- Time-related – in 6 weeks.
I dare you to do something similar.
Edit: Not realistic at all, running while building muscles is impossible. I just repeat Week 3 of these challenges now till I don’t struggle anymore. Probably shouldn’t have started everything on the same day.