Do you want to change? Just change yourself when you want to change!
Actual self is your representation of the attributes that you believe you actually possess, or that you believe others believe you possess. The “actual self” is a person’s basic self-concept. It is one’s perception of their own attributes (intelligence, athleticism, attractiveness, etc.).
We can ignore the actual self at first if we want to change who we are, the actual self will follow the ideal and ought self.
Ideal self is your representation of the attributes that someone (yourself or another) would like you, ideally, to possess (i.e., a representation of someone’s hopes, aspirations, or wishes for you). The “ideal-self” is what usually motivates individuals to change, improve and achieve.
The ideal self-regulatory system focuses on the presence or absence of positive outcomes (e.g., love provided or withdrawn).
The best way to achieve that is to make a list of skills/attributes/characteristics you want to have. You must picture your ideal self every day.
Ought is your representation of the attributes that someone (yourself or another) believes you should or ought to possess (i.e., a representation of someone’s sense of your duty, obligations, or responsibilities).
The Pygmalion effect is the phenomenon whereby the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. Expect much from yourself, perform better!
Back to discrepancies.
The theory states that people are motivated to reduce the gap in order to remove disparity in self-guides.
Instead of lowering the bar and coming to terms with the actual self that you don’t even like. You must close this gap by becoming your ideal self.
Role-models inspired people for many years to become better. They were the real life representation of the ideal self. Becoming your ideal-self should be your goal.
How to achieve goals:
- First choose between all the potential goals you could reach.
- Make priorities and then choose the best one.
- Write down and visualize your goal(When you see your ideal self you should say:”Ecco Hominis!”).
- Make plans and strategies about how you will reach your goal.
- Achieve your goals.
- Assess what has been achieved, what still needs to be achieved by further acting on the goal.Revising objectives is no bad thing.
Goals must be SMART , dreams should be unobtainable.
The way you carry yourself is very important. When you love yourself and have a high self esteem you just walk better, move slower, head up etc.
Lifting is a great way to improve your posture. In my city the only people who have a good walk are black people. Hands down, palms are locking backwards, the hands and arms move smoothly in a rhythm with their movement. The upper body is leaned a bit backwards. The shoulders are not inverted – use more space. And the most important thing: It starts at the hips, they move their hips more when walking. I even started a dancing course to have a better stance, posture, walk. Great advantage: I am a great dancer now. Dancing is just like sex, the more confident you are the better you are.
Small trick on the side: When you are in a social situation and know everyone on your table, make sure next to you is a free space. So when a girl walks by and you talk to her you can offer her a seat and don’t have to move away.
Attraction lessens over time. Girls will think you are not interested and feel like you turned them down, thats not a nice feeling, so they will hate you.
Realize when a girl wants to game you and stop the thoughts of insecurity.
Pretty much always when girls start to talk to you it is an opener:
You are at the club. You are walking around or sitting talking to a friend. All of a sudden a group (2-6) of wild HBs appears. They need a photo of themselves right now and they need you to take it. Bullshit. They don’t need a photo, this is the go to girl opener.
Good response: Make a selfie and say:”That will be 25€, you can pay in cash or drinks”
Chameleon strategy: feigning interest to get a relationship. Once they have you comfortable and happy they usually stop the act and start becoming bitchy and demanding. So when you want a LTR always look out!
The I am here or staring: Often see girls checking me out, following me and staying within eye sight. Looking at me hopefully and needy. Some even say something to me and I pretend that I didn’t hear them, so they either get closer or change their pose. When that failed they feel like getting rejected and write me off.
This whole attraction has an expiration date is also the reason so many guys get stuck in the friendzone, act quick!
Girl Game, I grew up with 4 sisters and know pretty much about it.
In short: 95% of all girls suck at flirting. (Yes I made that number up based on observations)
Women suck at flirting, they will talk about their ex boyfriends with you, 50% of what they say is stuff they would say to their orbiters/friendzoned guys because they have no idea how to flirt or talk to guys.
The problem is that besides looking good (and when that doesn’t work they try to look better) they don’t up their game. Women game has to be adjusted to shy males that don’t dare to make the first step, so they show availability instead of being a woman worth being gamed but showing availability often comes over as “I am a slut, and I am here”.
For example: “I had sex with a complete stranger on that toilet over there once.” Then she smiled and tried to hold hands with her target.
“Wooohooo I am soo drunk” When she isn’t.
Buying you a drink! – Yes that should be obvious.
A girl who was giving me a ride told me about her previous boyfriend. I made her shut up because she has orbiters for that. But it turned out that she just had no idea what to talk about with me.
Another Girl Game strategy is to stay close to her target, she will follow you around in the club, sit down on the table next to you, always is in sight.
And then we have the eye flirt. Some women mags recommend that. When she tries to eye flirt just go and talk to her.
Realizing when a girl wants to game you triples your lay counter.